Deal Breakers

After reading the Fabulous Mag survey, in which some men declared weight gain a deal breaker and said they would leave their girlfriend if she gained 3 dress sizes, I wondered: what are your deal breakers? Do you have any, related to appearance?

I felt sad that these men apparently placed 100% emphasis on, and valued only, their girlfriend’s appearance. I tried to imagine forgoing all the reasons I enjoy being with my boyfriend, all the jokes and talks and laughs, simply because he gained some weight. I couldn’t imagine it, because I value him far beyond superficial traits. I wondered why the women dating the men from the survey bothered to stick around for someone whose vision stopped at their skin, stopped at their dress size, refused to see them as human beings but as props to decorate themselves.

If my boyfriend gained weight to a point it threatened his health, I would definitely say something. It’s not healthy, mentally or physically, to cart around extra weight. But to leap immediately to “Well, he’s put on some pounds, guess I’m outta here” is to dismiss all that he is as a person, a partner, a friend.

Weight, and looks, are touchy subjects, especially with our partners, who can be hurt by our disapproval, or absorb our concern (such as about weight) as rejection or judgment, no matter how gently it is phrased.

I have pet peeves more so than deal breakers. I wish men took better care of their skin. Refusing to use sunscreen or to moisturize is not “manly”, it’s stupid. Sunburns and dry skin are not attractive, sandpaper hands can be just yucky, and inviting skin cancer is foolish, whether you’re male or female. A little lotion goes a long way! Products are made now specifically for men, so gentlemen, please take better care of your skin!

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